The Moment That Sparked Panic
Earlier this evening, my 4-year-old daughter was sitting with her dad in the living room, enjoying her after-dinner snack. While eating a plum, she accidentally swallowed the stone (thankfully these plums had unusually small stones!) and immediately told her dad. My partner calmly assessed the situation and deduced that the stone had gone down without causing a choking hazard, then brought her into the kitchen where I was, to make sure she drank enough water to ensure it passed through her system.
When they came into the kitchen, my partner simply told me, “She swallowed a plum stone,” and despite both of them being perfectly calm, I instantly panicked. That’s when my daughter, who had been fine up until that point, started to cry. Her panic was not because of the stone, but because she had picked up on my reaction.
The Impact of Parental Reactions on Children’s Emotions
This incident made me appreciate how much our own reactions as parents can influence our children’s emotional responses. Children mirror us in so many ways, especially when they feel uncertain or unsafe. If we respond to something calmly, they’re likely to feel reassured. If we panic, they often feel they should panic too. It’s in their nature to look to us for guidance, especially in new or potentially scary situations.
Countless examples demonstrate this, for example the viral videos on social media where parents fake a situation—like banging their child’s head against a door—then dramatically act concerned, and, sure enough, the child starts to cry. The child’s tears aren’t caused by actual pain but by the emotional cues they receive from their parent’s reaction. While those videos may be staged for humor, they shine a light on how much our children are influenced by our emotions in real life situations.
How Could I Have Reacted Differently?
In my defense, I didn’t have all the information when I first heard my daughter had swallowed a plum stone. The immediate thoughts of choking or some other dire consequence filled my mind, and without fully processing the calmness of my partner or daughter, I let my own anxiety take the wheel. Of course, it’s natural to panic as parents when something concerning happens to our children, but this incident reminded me how important it is to take a moment to assess the situation before reacting.
Had I read my partner’s calm demeanor, I could have approached the situation differently, remaining composed rather than jumping straight into panic mode. This, in turn, might have kept my daughter from getting upset at all.
The Science Behind Children Mirroring Their Parents’ Reactions
This isn’t just an isolated experience. Research shows that children are deeply influenced by their parents’ emotions. Studies have demonstrated that when parents frequently display anxiety or stress, their children are more likely to develop similar emotional responses (MSD Manuals). Parental anxiety can create a heightened sense of danger or insecurity in children, even in situations where there isn’t an immediate threat.
In fact, many pediatric psychologists and medical professionals stress the importance of remaining calm during any health-related incidents involving children. Kids look to their parents to gauge the seriousness of the situation. When parents stay calm, even during emergencies, children tend to feel more secure and handle the situation better (BioMed Central).
Real-Life Examples: Emotional Regulation in Parenting
This lesson isn’t limited to health scares or emergencies. Even in daily interactions, how we respond to everyday stressors can set the tone for how our children will react. Think about a time when you were rushing out the door, stressed and frantic. Chances are, your child picked up on that energy and became more anxious or irritable themselves.
On the flip side, when parents stay calm and collected, especially in stressful situations, children are more likely to mirror that calmness. It’s called emotional regulation, and it’s something I’ve realized I need to be more conscious of in my own parenting journey.
The Role of Emotional Regulation in a Child’s Development
When we manage our emotional responses effectively, we’re teaching our children how to do the same. Emotional regulation is a key part of childhood development, helping children learn to navigate their own feelings in a healthy way. This starts with us as parents modeling those behaviors. The more we can stay composed in the face of stress or uncertainty, the more our children will feel empowered to do the same.
However, I’m not saying this is easy. As parents, it’s instinctual to panic when we think our child is in danger. But taking just a moment to pause, assess the situation, and process our emotions before reacting can make a world of difference in how our children experience stressful moments.
Applying This Lesson Moving Forward
This whole experience has taught me the value of staying calm and mindful in stressful situations. The next time something like this happens—and let’s face it, with young children, these moments are inevitable—I’m going to try my best to take a deep breath and think before I react. While I may not always get it right, I’m more aware now of the impact my emotions can have on my daughter’s feelings.
It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being present and intentional with how we respond. Whether it’s a plum stone or a scraped knee, how I handle these situations will continue to shape how my daughter learns to handle life’s ups and downs.
Conclusion: A Lesson in Parenting and Emotional Regulation
In the end, this wasn’t just about a swallowed plum stone—it was about the bigger parenting lesson I learned in how much my daughter depends on me to guide her emotional responses. Our children are always watching and learning from us, and the way we react to situations, big or small, can shape how they respond to the world.
Staying calm isn’t just about diffusing a situation in the moment. It’s about teaching our children how to face uncertainty with confidence. It’s about showing them that even when things go wrong, they have the emotional tools to handle it. And most importantly, it’s about being the steady, reassuring presence they need to feel safe and secure.
